The Catsitter knows which battles to run away from.
Choire. I am ashamed of you. This is:
Allow me to help. First, you want to heat up about four quarts of water. Put the filter in the Chemex, with the thick folded side against the lip. Pour the water into the Chemex until full, and then pour it back out again via the back side (so you are pouring it in reverse, this lets the water flow freely). You can use this as a reference. Repeat until the filter is good an rinsed. If you are using unbleached filter paper, you may need to use more water. I pour the excess water in a pot and then transfer it to my plants once it has cooled, so as not to be wasteful.
Now! You are ready to make coffee.
On your gram scale, measure out 44 grams of beans. Meanwhile heat about 600 grams of filtered water in a swan neck kettle. It is very important that the water be filtered, and that the kettle be swan necked. Just before the water begins to boil, transfer the beans to your burr grinder. It is very important that you use a burr grinder and not a blade grinder. Your grind size should be much finer than a french press grind, but so fine as espresso. Something along the size of flakey sea salt should be about right. Not the granular sea salt like you get at Trader Joe’s, that is too big. And not the fine sea salt either, that is too small. It is very important that you grind the beans at exactly the right size.
Put the Chemex on top of the gram scale and add the beans. Is your Chemex still warm? It should be, otherwise you have done it wrong and you need to pour some warm water through there again first, but do this quickly because you do not want your ground beans sitting around for too long. It is very important that your beans are not exposed to the air for too long an amount of time after they have been ground. Assuming your Chemex is warm (as it should be), place it on your gram scale and then add the beans.Your gram scale should have a button on it to zero out the scale. If it does not, make a note of the weight of the Chemex and beans and also you should probably run out and get a new scale first just to make things easier. If you have timed everything right, your water should just be starting to boil. It is very important that it has not boiled for too long. If it has been boiling for some time, you should start over from the beginning as you want just boiling water and you do not want to leave your ground beans exposed to the air for the length of time it will take you to boil a new 600 grams of filtered water in your swan necked kettle.
Pour precisely 75 grams of water over the grounds in your Chemex, very slowly, with the spout of your swan necked kettle at a height of no more than five centimeters. (You *are* familiar with the metric system, correct?) Once you’ve poured the water, allow the coffee to rest between 30 seconds to one minute as the grounds bloom (which is simply a term of art that refers to the off-gassing of CO2 that happens when grinds initially come into contact with CO2). The amount of time you should wait depends completely on how recently the beans have been roasted and how much they are blooming. It is very important that you do not allow them to over or under bloom! As your coffee blooms, place the kettle back on the heat, but do not allow it to return to a boil. Your water should be 98.7 centesimal degrees. The proper temperature, it goes without saying, is very important.
Once your coffee has bloomed, you should begin to pour the filtered water from your swan-necked kettle over the grounds. Pour exactly 275 grams, so that your total amount of water introduced now equals 350 grams. Immediately give it a quick stir with a bamboo utensil. It is very important that you use an all-natural un-dyed organic bamboo utensil! After you have given it a quick stir with a bamboo utensil, allow the coffee to settle back down in the Chemex, until the water level has gone down approximately three centimeters from its highest point. Now, take your 98.7 degree water, which you may have had to re-heat, and begin pouring it from your swan necked kettle once again, at a height of no more than five centimeters above the waterline. You want to pour in a circular direction, from the center outwards, and then back in again, making sure to completely cover the brewing coffee. Preferably, you should go in a clockwise and then counterclockwise direction, but this is optional and can be reversed if you are feeling pluckish. Continue to pour the 98.7 centesimal degree filtered water from your swan-necked kettle until your gram scale reads 560 grams. No more, no less. There should be some left in your swan-necked kettle. Stir once more, just a quick swipe nothing more, using your all-natural un-dyed organic bamboo utensil and then allow the coffee to drip into the Chemex and settle.
Take the leftover water in your swan-necked kettle and pour it into your ceramic mug or mugs if you are making coffee for two. Swirl the water around, heating the mugs. It is very important to heat your ceremic mugs before serving your coffee! Once the mugs are heated, and the Chemex has finished steadily dripping, it is time to pour your coffee. Remove the filter and grounds, and place them in the compost. Be sure not to put them in the trash.
Once poured, I like to allow it to cool for a minute or two to really bring out the flavor. But that’s just me! Everyone has their own preferences, and you should make your drink however you like it, as long as you strictly follow the above steps which should be considered rules rather than guidelines.